I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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