someone get that fucking seahorse.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
