if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Who put my cat in the fridge?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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