mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
