Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
