Duck Duck Cougar?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I look better un-naked...
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
My vagina just recognized that song.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
