I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
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