It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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