Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
