Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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