well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
