Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
