I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
