My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
