All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
