That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
