There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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