This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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