yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
