Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
