So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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