just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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