My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
