Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
