Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
