Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I know her cup size but not her name....
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
