I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
