please come you make the beer taste better
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
