The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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