I wish I could teleport
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
