At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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