i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
