i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
