There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
