I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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