I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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