I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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