but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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