what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
