So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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