I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
