Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
