I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Randomize
