sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
