the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
