god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
