i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
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