I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
