We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
