Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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