We're like a lot better than the average bears
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
