Have you finally orgasmed yet?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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