Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I met the friendliest cop last night
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
