Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
