we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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