I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I did not marry a roomba.
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