Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
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