so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm too high and old for this...
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
