When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
