dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
